Andrea's Entries
The Drama Never Stops
Episode 217 - Watch Webisode
I'm glad I was with friends because it was a lot to process. I can see myself getting sicker and sicker as my time in the house went on. Being thrown in there was very stressful and even though I thought I was handling it, I really wasn't. In reality, my eating disorder was handling it. I think I look really bad in a lot of the episode. I don't look healthy and not just because I am skinny. My hair, my skin, everything doesn't look right. I was not taking care of myself. And the look of fear on my face at the slumber party brought me to tears. I want to just yell at my former self to eat a f*cking chip and stop being so obsessed. I love the fact that I can watch the mistakes I made and hear the things I said and see how far I have come since living there. I don't really think I am addicted to food anymore. I think I am addicted to the bulimia side, but I think that if you have a healthy outlook you can eat whatever you want and not worry about it. But this didn't happen overnight. It’s taken me a long time to even get to the point I am at now. And like I said to Hanna, I may struggle my whole life, but I will never let it kill me.
I was so impressed with Hanna. Up until that moment I didn't really care about her or the other Hyenas. I just figured they didn't give a sh*t about me so why should I share myself with them.