Andrea's Entries
The Drama Never Stops
Episode 217 - Watch Webisode
But even though we had our differences Hanna is actually a good person. When she asked me straight out I almost didn't think it was happening. I really wanted to just hug her right then and there for caring but I still wasn't close to her. I don't think she really knows how much that meant to me. It’s impossible for someone with an eating disorder to truly explain what it is like, just as it is impossible for someone who is healthy to understand it. I think the shoe example she gave Neveen is as close as you can get, except you are thinking about shoes every waking moment, you fear shoes, shoes equal death and you even dream about them. That’s what an eating disorder is. You think about food and calories and weight every moment. Every second you want to eat and every second you tell yourself how evil and fat you are. It’s like being in a nightmare. No matter how much you want it to go away it won't and that is the worst part. When you finally want to get better, you can't just press a button and make it disappear. I wish.
Later Neveen came up to me and apologized which I thought was really big of her and not at all like the Neveen I thought she was. It was really weird because I didn't really think it was their fault or that they had made it worse. I think I just went into the house in a lot of denial not really seeing that how badly I was treating myself.